How Do I Know if BDSM is for Me?

How Do I Know if BDSM is for Me?

As you are reading my article, I assume you, like me at one time, have asked yourself the question ‘How do I know if BDSM is for me?’ I hope that after reading my thoughts and experiences you will be closer to deciding whether to take the first step.

The first thing I should point out is that BDSM is not about pain. It’s about control and trust. BDSM is carried out in a consenting environment, with the aim of exciting and exhilarating all parties involved.

Whatever you or your partner wish to be introduced to a session should be discussed before playtime begins. It is important to set boundaries and limits. Be honest with your partner; anything they wish to introduce to a session has to be OK with you. If not, tell them it is out of bounds.

Safewords

Both parties must have trust in the other. If that trust is breached, a consensual activity becomes abuse. Plain and simple. Of course, sometimes one party will agree to certain activities beforehand, then change their mind when the reality sets in. This is what safewords are for.

Decide upon a safeword before play starts. Avoid obvious words like Stop, No or Enough. These words can then be used in your session, and you know it’s all part of the fun. Select an everyday easy to remember word that wouldn’t usually crop up in this situation, like Tomato for instance.

With all the boring admin taken care of, it’s time to think about what you would like to happen in your BDSM. Things to consider include how the submissive partner will be restrained. You can choose from hand and ankle cuffs, either metal of leather, or perhaps a spreader bar?

Or, maybe you would prefer to be tied up with bondage rope? This can certainly be more creative, and as you become more experienced, tying the knots and wrapping different limbs can become an art form. More advanced rope play can involve suspension or inversion.

Getting Tooled Up!

Maybe the most important thing to consider is which impact tools to use. There is a wide range out there of course. Floggers, whips, crops and paddles are the most commonly used and each have their own features. Take a look at this great article from Tabu about the latest BDSM products available from Rated R.

Floggers, almost always made of leather, give a heavy strike across a fairly wide area of flesh. The level of impact can be altered to suit, from a teasing tingle to a more painful beating. Due to the soft strands of the leather, a flogger can be used on most parts of the body without causing harm.

Whips, with a single tail are much more direct than a flogger, They tend to be longer too, which means they hit hard and focus the impact on a smaller area of flesh. Whips should only be used on areas like the back, because unlike a flogger, accuracy can be a little difficult, so a broader target is best.

Crops and paddles give more of a personal experience. Crops can be used on fleshy areas, or even used lightly on the genital areas. Paddles are a very accurate tool and can deliver a stinging slap. Best used on the buttocks and other fleshy areas. Paddles are hard, so avoid using them in genital areas or on bone, as they may cause unwanted damage.

Once you have everything you need and have laid out boundaries, you are ready to go. Remember to takes things slowly. Tease at first, with plenty of communication. As the submissive partner gets used to their role, the controlling partner can gradually increase the strength of their strikes, and explore different bodily areas.

My First Time

When I first tried BDSM, it was with my then boyfriend. I remember we ended up laughing so much that first time. It was totally unexpected, but I suppose we were in such an unusual situation. I was the one in control, and his squeels gave me uncontrollable giggles! After that first session, we swapped roles and that suited us much better!

I have never tried it with other partners, but I hope to meet somebody that I can trust implicitly one day. Then I will broach the subject. Come to think of it, if my next man doesn’t want me naked, bound, on all fours, and entirely at his mercy, he may not be the man for me!

I wish you all well in your own Kink Journeys. Whether you decide to act upon your deep desires or leave them as daydream fantasies, I hope you enjoy yourselves, and each other.

Gia x

Written by Gia Joy for Tabu Adult Boutique. If Gia has awakened an interest in you, check out Tabu’s range of BDSM products here.