A Numbers Game
Since I’m a sex blogger, it’s pretty obvious I enjoy discussing and writing about sex. I have no hang-ups when it comes to the subject and could gladly converse on the topic for hours, given the opportunity. My man, however, does not like to talk about one particular aspect of sex. He loves discussing the sex we have had, the sex he thinks he wants and the sex he will actually get, but he has always been very reluctant for us to talk about our previous partners.
In fact, when we first started dating he told me he didn’t want to know anything at all about that area of my past. He pointed out that he would get too jealous and end up thinking about me with these other guys. In previous relationships he had been open about previous dalliances, and it hadn’t gone well. So, I knew the conversation was off the agenda from the start. I can’t say I really understood, but I respected his wishes and haven’t spoken of exes, not once. Until yesterday.
The Truth? You Can’t Handle The Truth
Last night, out of the clear blue sky, he asked me how many men I’d been with! I was really taken aback, my head spinning with figures. As an aside, I’m glad he specified ‘men’, because if I had included the women too, his head may have exploded. For a brief panicky minute I toyed with the idea of drastically reducing the number, as I was fairly sure he was expecting to hear a single digit answer. Then, I thought better of it. I have lied about my answer to this question in the past, and it has always come back to bite me in the ass. I honestly don’t have a problem with how many men I’ve slept with. If he does, well that’s just too bad, he should have kept his head buried in the sand shouldn’t he?
So I told him. “Forty” I said, unsure of what would happen next. After he had picked his jaw up from the floor and popped his eyeballs back into place, I tried to massage his ego. I pointed out that while I have known a lot of men in my life, he is the only one I’m interested in. This seemed to do the trick, then he told me he had slept with 103 women. One hundred and three! He is a well travelled good-looking guy with a muscular body, so I expected him to have a fair few notches on his bedpost. A century though? Wow.
Credit Where Credit’s Due
We share a great sex life together, and part of the reason is the experience we both bring to the table (or the bed, or the floor). I have picked up some amazing techniques from my exes, all of which I gladly use on him. In all honesty, I don’t think about these past lovers whilst I plagiarize their moves, but if I write a sex manual one day, I will definitely give them a credit in the reference section.
I think it is healthy to have open and frank discussions with your partner about your life, sex and previous relationships. It may sound obvious, but you can learn a lot just by sharing thoughts and listening to each other. It’s a level of trust that should reinforce your bond as a couple. Alternatively, by keeping all of these details locked away, there will be a whole part of your life closed off from your significant other. I may be on my own here, but do you get turned-on hearing about your partners sex stories? Yep, just me.
Own Your Number
If the number of people you have slept with shames or embarrasses you, then keep you legs together. But, if like me, you prefer to have experience on your side, then go forth and fuck around to your heart’s content. Although I urge you all to be safe (use a condom people!). Provided your fun is safe and consensual, your number may be 10, 100 or even 1000, it doesn’t matter. It’s the way you conduct yourself that determines whether you are a slut or not, not your number.
In conclusion, I would encourage you all to ‘own your number’, it’s a part of who you are. After all, even a regretted one-night stand is still a valuable experience and teaches us a little more about ourselves. Even if the lesson learned is ‘I won’t be doing that again!’