Introducing BDSM to your relationship

introducing bdsm to a relationship article

Introducing BDSM to a Relationship

If you are new to BDSM, what they call a ‘bondage virgin’, then the terms Bondage and BDSM may conjure up unpleasant or scary images in your mind. There is no doubt that everybody has their likes, dislikes and limits when it comes to BDSM but there’s no need to fret. Introducing BDSM to your relationship could be exhilarating.

Embarking on a kinkier sexual lifestyle does not mean living in fear. One of the first and certainly the most important thing to learn about this fetish is that it’s consensual. Taking part in BDSM is all about having strong levels of mutual trust in your partner(s).

Communication between partners is key to knowing what you are willing to do and to experience. Discuss what you and your playmate(s) are looking for from the session before it starts. It is important to set these ground-rules and also arrange a safeword.

For BDSM purposes, a safeword is a word that wouldn’t usually be spoken during consenting activities, and will cause the session to stop immediately. The word STOP for instance is a very bad safeword, as it’s a word you may say during role-play, when in fact you’re having a great time and enjoying every minute.

Choose a safeword such as Supermarket, because this is unlikely to be spoken during your session. unless your particular kink is to be dominated by checkout girls, naturally. Oh, just me then? Anyway, once this is sorted you can onto the more exciting subject of what BDSM to try out.

What Turns Me On?

Before you get carried away, the most common element in BDSM sessions is Bondage. This is the tying up of a person, so they are prone and under your control. There are many ways to secure a submissive partner. The simplest method may seem to be by using Bondage Rope.

Unlike normal rope, Bondage Ropes are silkier to the touch and are not abrasive enough to cause burning. Rope can be used by even the most inexperienced kinkster, but long term bondage fans will turn binding into an art form with elaborate harnesses, trusses and advanced knots.

An alternative to ropes are cuffs. start off with softer ankle or wrist cuffs, which will be more comfortable. Soft leather or padded cuffs are very popular for securing someone to the bed or against the wall. Spreader Bars are useful if you want your sub’s legs to be kept open.

Now one of you is secured and at the mercy of the other; what to do? Well, there’s vibrators and anal toys of course, but try introducing some more unusual play to your relationship. Nipple clamps, floggers, whips and paddles are BDSM staples.

Take care to start off gently when using striking toys for the first time. Paddles and floggers impact more pain than you would imagine, so work your way up to stronger usage. Remember to accelerate the level of pain very slowly and always listen out for that all-important safeword.

Sensory deprivation heightens the submissive’s pleasure and pain reception. A blindfold also keeps them guessing about what’s coming next. We have spoken about a few things you can try when introducing BDSM, but don’t think you are limited to the bedroom.

Location, Location, Location

The bed is the obvious place to try out new sexual ideas. However, a change of scenery can take you out of that mundane relationship mindset. Assuming you have the run of the house, try being bent over the dining table and secured, tied up in living room doorway, or find a more daring use for the shed. Outbuildings are ideal locations for darker role-plays!

All in all, BDSM is a learning experience for everyone. You may have fixed ideas about what will fulfil your fantasies, buy you’ll soon discover other things that turn you on too. Each session will be better and more honed to what you and your partner desire.

If you’d like to experiment with this fetish, but are single or with a partner who is not willing don’t give up. There are established clubs all over the world where like-minded people talk about BDSM, share stories, experiences and fantasies.

In New Zealand, there is Fetlife. An organisation run by, and for the benefit of, the fetish community. There is the chance to meet up with other members to live the lifestyle, but there is no compulsion to do this. Many fetish fans just want to exchange ideas in a welcoming and non-judgemental environment, either in person or online.

Naturally enough, no article at Tabu Adult Boutique would be complete without mentioning some of the items you may want to get hold of. Follow the links in the article to take a look at products or just visit our shop to see the BSDM range. Enjoy venturing into the world of bondage and introducing BDSM to your relationship. I’m off to the supermarket…

Ian

Tabu Adult Boutique

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