A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys

Introduction to A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys

As owners of an adult shop, we thought it would be helpful for you (and fun for us) to write an article just like this one. Every day, we speak to many customers for whom the world of sex toys is completely new and baffling. We know it’s hard to buy products that you don’t fully understand, especially sex toys. There is often a sense of shyness or embarrassment that accompanies shopping for such things. However, the more you know, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be. Our Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys will be a useful reference point that will help you on your sex toy adventure.

Introducing Ourselves

Before we get stuck into the topic, it feels like a suitable time to introduce ourselves, so you know who is behind this guide. We, Ian & Samantha, have worked in adult retail for over 15 years. Starting off (with no prior knowledge) as sales assistants for The Den and then Peaches & Cream in Auckland, we had to learn quickly! In 2017, we decided to take a chance and go into business for ourselves. We opened a brand new sex shop and named it Tabu. Tabu Adult Boutique, to give its full name, is situated in the sleepy town of Eketahuna on State Highway 2.

Casting our minds back to 2010, we still clearly remember walking into a sex shop for the first time. It was a little daunting and confusing, to say the least. The very next day, we’re on the shop floor attempting to help people select the perfect products for their needs. We felt totally out of our depth, and it took us many months to get a working knowledge of the thousands of products on offer. So don’t worry, we understand exactly how overwhelming a sex shop can be. Therefore, in this Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys, we’re going to do our best to explain everything to you. Whether you want to visit adult stores like Tabu or buy with confidence online, read on and wonder no more!

Who Uses Sex Toys & Why?

Let’s start by taking a look at who buys sex toys. If you thought there was a particular demographic that enjoys adult toys much more than anyone else, think again! Singles & couples, gay & straight, old & young and everyone in between is likely to use sex toys. It all depends upon an individual’s mindset and life experiences. Some folk are naturally more adventurous and keen to give new things a try. Others, meanwhile, are introduced to adult toys by a new partner. Those willing to take the plunge discover a world of fun and excitement that was previously closed off to them.

Are Sex Toys Still Taboo?

We’ll go into some of the benefits of sex toys in the next section, but it’s worth keeping in mind that there is no such thing as a ‘sex toy type of person’. Part of the reason that sex toys are still viewed as taboo is that they are usually not freely spoken about. This leads to a false impression that they are not the norm in New Zealand society.

Imagine that your friend at work, your sister or your mother bought a new car, or read a novel they loved. You’d be sure to hear all about it the next time you spoke to them. Not so much with a sex toy! Maybe in the future, the purchase of a new vibrator will be the topic of conversation over a cup of tea in the break room or at a family gathering. Until then, bear in mind that enjoying adult toys is not unusual, just not shouted about. Around half of adults in New Zealand own at least one toy, so it’s completely normal.

The Benefits of Sex Toys

In this section of the Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys, we’ve identified some of the major reasons that sex toys are so desirable. The benefits are largely focused on pleasure, of course, but there are many ways in which adult toys and other intimate products improve one’s sex life. Understanding your body’s needs, whether you’re solo or with a partner, is an important step that toys help with. Sexual fulfilment is best achieved when both mind and body are enjoying the experience. Let’s take a look at some of the ways toys help with this.

Enhanced Pleasure

The main reason people introduce sex toys into their lives is quite simple—pleasure. It’s only natural to want to explore new and exciting sensations, and adult toys enable this exploration. Toys can offer different experiences and options than masturbation and/or sex with a partner. The opportunity to try out different sizes of dong, or the teasing buzz or intense stimulation of a vibrator, is an appealing feature that no partner can offer.

Couples choosing to try out sex toys together will add a whole new dynamic to their sex lives. Foreplay can become hugely arousing when using a clitoral vibrator, anal toys or many other types of sex toys. Intercourse itself is transformed into an all-around stimulation session with the use of couples’ sex toys. A vibrating cock ring, for example, turns any man into a living vibrator! Orgasms intensify with greater stimulation, and this fact starts to explain the popularity of sex toys that this Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys will fully explore.

Sexual Health

Aside from providing direct pleasure, some adult toys can help improve your sexual health. There are many ways they can be therapeutic for both body and mind, so we’ve categorised them as Physical and Mental.

Physical Health Benefits

• Kegel Balls are effective at strengthening and tightening the Pelvic Floor Muscles in women, which results in more enjoyable sex for both parties. Bladder control can be improved, too, in addition to greater sexual experiences.
• Toys that stimulate the genital areas improve blood flow to these areas. This boost to your blood circulation is important in increasing sexual sensitivity and overall sexual health.
• Women suffering from menstrual pain or cramps often find relief by orgasming. Climaxing from a clitoral stimulation toy, such as a bullet, will allow muscles to relax and endorphins to be released.
• You can greatly reduce he risk of developing vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction by regularly using sex toys.
• Sexual pleasure is important for hormonal balance. It helps to regulate estrogen and testosterone levels, which have an impact on mood and metabolism.

Mental Health Benefits

• Hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine are released during sexual activity. Orgasming via a toy reduces stress and improves overall mood.
• After climax, better sleep can be achieved because of what is known as Post Orgasm Relaxation. Cortisol levels are lowered in the body, which is one of the main chemical factors in our feeling stressed.
• Solo play with a sex toy enables you to explore your own body and discover what you enjoy and what turns you on. Armed with this knowledge, it’s easier to confidently communicate your needs and desires to a lover.
• Unfortunately, anxiety and depression are all too common in this stressful modern world. Sexual activity and climax, either with or without a partner, releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, so toys are a great natural way to combat these issues.

Improving Intimacy

Whether you are with a relatively new partner or have been together for years, intimacy is a key part of keeping the magic alive. All too often, couples fall into a routine. The same foreplay, the same positions and the same results. However sexually exciting your lover is, keeping it fresh in the bedroom is extremely tricky. This is where sex toys come in, to save the day (or night!).

Watching a lover pleasure themselves is one of the most intimate things you can do in a relationship. Apart from it being a turn on for you, it’s a great opportunity to discover exactly what pushes their buttons. Watching a woman use a vibrator, for example, exposes so much about her preferences for clitoral/insertion bias, speed of thrust, etc. Does she play with her nipples or mouth at the same time?

All of these important cues will help you understand how she achieves climax in the most enjoyable way. That’s a great insight, and it will assist you in becoming a closer couple, understanding each other’s needs, and ultimately having even better sex.

Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys – Categories

For those new to sex toys, it can be tricky to know what all the categorising terms mean. In this section of our beginner’s guide to sex toys, we’ll run through the adult toy categories you’re most likely to come across in your search for toys. Before getting started, there is one thing you need to know that will avoid confusion. The term ” dildo “ means nothing specific. The public, especially in America, uses the word ‘dildo’ as a substitute for ‘sex toy’.

Adult toy retailers and manufacturers rarely use this term, as it is far too vague. If a toy vibrates, it is a vibrator. If it doesn’t, then it’s a dong. We will list all types of commonly used sex toys below, giving a thorough description of each as we go.

Vibrators

By far the most popular category in most adult stores, vibrators are sex toys for women that are usually insertable in nature. Vibrators come in a vast range of designs, materials and sizes. We’ll first cover the basic model types of vibrators to help you gain a fuller understanding of this category. There are smaller vibrating devices called Bullets. They are intended for clitoral or other external stimulation, and we will talk about those later.

Stick Vibes

As you’ve probably guessed from the name, stick vibes are a simple sex toy, designed for penetration. Often among the cheaper options, old-fashioned plastic stick vibrators have been around for 50 years or so. These are exactly the toys that probably spring to mind when first thinking of a vibrator.

The plastic or metallic versions are usually battery-powered. They often feature a dial at the base of the toy for adjusting the vibration strength. However, some will have a button for on/off and strength. Stick vibes made from silicone are becoming far more commonplace these days and are a step up in both feel and functionality.

With a warmer, more comfortable feel, the silicone versions do tend to cost more. But taking into account that they are more enjoyable and realistic to use, they’re often worth the extra money. You’ll find that silicone vibrators are almost exclusively rechargeable, which is far more convenient.

Rechargeable toys are usually shower-proof too, which gives you more options. Do check the details of specific products, but almost all magnetic recharge toys can be used around water with no problems.

Rabbit Vibes

Most women who have introduced sex toys into their lives will have tried a Rabbit. A Rabbit, or Bunny vibe, as they are sometimes known, is a generic term. It refers to any female pleasure toy that consists of a main shaft (often vibrating) and a clitoral exciter. The purpose of a rabbit is to create dual arousal from both internal and external stimulation.

The first models of this dual stimulation toy featured a rabbit head as the clitoral teaser. The rabbit’s nose and long ears fluttered in tune to the vibrations and created an amazing effect on the clitoris. Since then, all similar dual-stim toys are called Rabbits, whether they feature rabbit detailing or not. Don’t be surprised to see a dolphin, butterfly or simple smooth nub instead.

Battery-powered versions of Rabbit vibes are becoming harder to find. They have been almost totally replaced by rechargeable models. As with stick vibes, rabbits are now most commonly made from a silky silicone for a smoother experience. In addition to the advantages of better materials and rechargeability, modern rabbits are also quieter, and therefore more discreet.

Variations of Rabbit Vibes

Any rabbit vibe that has a bulbous or curved tip is intended to stimulate the G-spot. Sensitivities vary, but the majority of women enjoy having their G-spot stimulated by contact and/or vibration. G-spot rabbit vibes are a great way to scratch that itch.

Another variety of these toys is the Thrusting Rabbit. Appearing to look very similar to any normal rabbit vibe, the thrusting rabbits, as you no doubt guessed, thrust. The silicone covering on the shaft of the thrusters is usually a little bit loose or ribbed to allow for the toy to extend and retract.

The great advantage for women is that with the shaft thrusting itself, you don’t need to move it in and out to achieve orgasmic results. Also, the clit stimulator stays exactly where you want it to be, instead of losing contact each time you manually thrust the toy in and out a little.

Massage Wands

A wand is a toy intended for extreme clitoral stimulation. They are usually quite large with a pronounced head and handle. The head vibrates and is to be held against the clit to achieve a powerful orgasm. First invented in Japan as a true massage aid, these wands were quickly being used for a more exciting purpose!

There is a wide range of wand styles available, starting with immensely powerful mains-operated units, such as Original BodyWands and Doxy Wands. The power output of a plug-in toy cannot be matched, so if massive vibration is your desire, a plug-in wand is certainly worth considering.

There are a couple of negative factors to consider with a mains-powered toy, however. The noise at high speed can be quite loud, so if you need to be secretive in a shared household, then this may be an issue. The other consideration is that these wands are not waterproof, for obvious electrical reasons.

Rechargeable Wands

The majority of wands you’ll see in an adult store are rechargeable. As with most things, there’s a wide selection to attract every buyer, with price points, sizes and styles to suit all women. The advantages of a rechargeable unit are convenience, reliability and water-resistance.

Models vary from manufacturer to manufacturer, but you’ll generally receive at least an hour of vibration on a full charge, which is more than enough for most women to climax. A chunkier wand will tend to give a deeper vibration because it is likely to have a larger motor inside. Wands as little as 6″ long can be found, but anything shorter than that is better referred to as a bullet.

If you want to know more about wands, you can read this article on the topic.

Bullets

A bullet is the name given to any tiny vibrator. They are primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, and not for insertion. They are the smallest, most discreet of the vibrators we will cover in this article. Some women prefer a clitoral climax, so a bullet can be the perfect toy for them. During sex with a partner, many women hold a bullet against their clit whilst being penetrated, so they can race to the finish line and share a climax with their lover.

As with most sex toys, bullets come in a wide range of styles, colours, textures, materials and price points. A few cell-battery-powered bullets are still available, but all modern models are rechargeable. There’s a wide selection of vibration patterns and strengths to choose from. Some toys will offer the more traditional 3-speed vibration (Gentle—Moderate—Strong), whilst others will also add an array of vibration patterns.

As you can see, Bullets are a simple concept, but there’s a huge range of options. Read the blurb on the product listing online, or quiz the staff member in-store, so you get a toy that suits you. One other thing to consider is whether a bullet is waterproof. Maybe it’s something you hadn’t considered, but a little shower-time fun is always an option with a waterproof toy.

Dongs

As touched on earlier in this Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys article, a Dong is a non-vibrating sex toy. They are intended for vaginal and/or anal penetration as desired. Whilst all dongs are broadly phallic in design, most will also feature realistic penis detailing such as a defined head, veins and scrotum. Another common feature is a suction cup. Suction cups allow the freedom to temporarily attach the dong to a smooth surface, like a wooden floor, shower wall liner or door. This is especially useful if using the toy solo. It provides a way to obtain hands-free pleasure and a more realistic sexual experience.

Dongs are popular toys in New Zealand, mainly because of their versatility. Apart from their obvious uses, pairing one with a harness creates a customizable strap-on. Whether for pegging, lesbian or straight sexual activity, a strap-on is a great tool for taking the driving seat in your relationship. Strap-on harnesses are available at a range of prices, and all are compatible with most dongs on the market.

For a dong to be suitable for harness play, it needs either a suction cup, balls, or some other type of flange. This allows it to be fed into the harness ring without it all sliding through. Simply select a dong you like the look of and pair it with the harness of your choice to begin enjoying some strap-on fun.

Dong Sizes

Choosing a dong may take a little more time than you thought it would. There are so many things to take into consideration. Of course, size is key as you don’t want to end up with a toy that is too small and doesn’t create the desired sensation. On the other hand, a dong that’s too big and is uncomfortable to use is a waste of money.

Dongs start from around 3″ long. At this scale, they are often quite similar to a butt plug (more of which later). They can theoretically be any length, but the longest you’ll find in most sex shops is a 12″ model. However impressive/daunting this sounds, length isn’t everything! Pay most attention to the girth of any toy you consider buying.

A long toy allows you the option to go deep, but remember that you can insert as much or as little of the dong as desired. It’s the girth that dictates what a dong will do for you, and what sensations you’ll feel. Width is the most important factor when deciding upon a new toy. As a general rule, a new toy should be a slight challenge so you have a new experience. Always be realistic, though, because pain and discomfort can be caused by over-ambition!

Dong Materials

As far as materials go, there are plenty on the market. TPR, silicone, rubber and glass are the main materials, with TPR being the most commonly used. TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber) is an ideal substance for dongs, as it has a realistic feel. The material is firm, but allows some bend and pinch. With the ability to be any skin tone or translucent colour, it’s a fun, eye-catching and inexpensive way to produce toys.

If you’d like to take a more thorough look at the materials used in the adult toy industry, Are Sex Toys Body Safe? is the place to go.

Some of the more luxurious dongs have what is known as dual density. These mimic a real penis by having a firm central core and an outer skin layer that moves and slides independently. They feel great in the hand and just like the real thing when inserted.

Masturbators & Strokers

In the world of sex toys, there are always far more options for women than for men. However, Strokers for men are a huge industry, with many different competing manufacturers in the sector. In regard to sex toys, the terms Masturbator and Stroker are interchangeable. Stroker tends to be an American term, whilst Masturbator is more European.

Pocket Pussies

Whatever you call them, male masturbation toys are generally a replica of a vagina made from a realistic-feeling material. Size varies with brand and price point, with a Pocket Pussy usually referring to the smaller and cheaper models. Most pocket pussies feature a generic pussy design, but some of the more expensive ones may be an exact replica of a real woman, often a porn actress, for a more immersive experience.

Entry-level pocket pussies cost around NZ$29. They will be a generic vagina design and measure around 5 inches in length. For around $60, sex toy brand Doc Johnson has their Signature Range. These pocket pussies are moulded from adult entertainment stars. The materials used are of a higher quality, so they will last much longer than the cheaper alternatives.

The very best quality toys in this category are made in Japan. Combining the very best in design, engineering and artwork, Onaholes, as they are known, are hard to beat. They are usually larger and heavier than Western strokers, and are popular with lovers of Manga, Hentai and Japanese culture in general. The packaging artwork alone is enough to make them a collector’s item.

Hard Case Strokers

Most masturbators that are larger than Pocket Pussies have a plastic outer casing. These Hard Case Strokers contain a removable soft silicone sleeve with a vagina opening and a textured core running through the sleeve for realistic penis stimulation. There are many brands of Hard Case Masturbator, but by far the most well-known are those made by Fleshlight. If you’re keen to know more about the company, you can read our article all about the Fleshlight Story.

Each girl featured in the Fleshlight Girls range features a unique internal canal structure. For example, the Eliza Ibarra Fleshlight (pictured above) has the Ethereal canal. This is in addition to the exact replica of Eliza’s vulva at the toy’s entrance. Other strokers in the Fleshlight collection include an Ice Lady model, which uses a clear case and transparent material. There is also a Stamina model, a highly stimulating design, created to help men last a little longer each and every time.

Body Parts

The next step up in size and expense is a category known as Body Parts. It’s not the most alluring name, but it’s a very accurate description of the toys. These are not full-body dolls, but rather just the most sexual parts. Pipedream Extreme (PDX) are an American manufacturer famous for its body parts, which are popular in many countries, including New Zealand. At Tabu, we always keep a selection of their toys in stock.

You may be wondering what the distinction is between a masturbator toy and a body part toy. After all, a pocket pussy is part of a body. In terms of adult toys, a masturbator is a toy that is handheld and is used to enhance normal male masturbation. Body parts are designed to be stationary during use, with the user ‘fucking’ it. A very popular example of a body part is shown below. It may be the best known of the genre, Fuck Me Silly 2 from PDX.

Fuck Me Silly 2 is a torso, with a penetratable Vagina and Ass. It features large breasts and hips, which all combine to create a 5½kg fantasy sex toy. Other PDX models, such as the Double D and the Big Ass Pussy offer variable vibration too, for those who want extra stimulation. All sex toys work better with lubricant, and that’s especially the case with male masturbation toys. We’ll talk in detail about lube later in this article.

Penis Pumps

Penis Pumps have been around for generations, but they are still viewed with suspicion by most people. In simple terms, these pumps allow a man to achieve a slightly larger and more sensitive erection for a limited time. Used just prior to sexual activity, the penis retains the extra growth until the erection is lost and everything returns to normal. There are many different penis pump models on the market, but they all do a similar job.

A penis pump works by creating a vacuum inside a cylinder containing the penis. After inserting, an air-tight seal is created against the groin. Then, air is extracted from the cylinder until the penis grows larger. The user should be careful to stop if there is noticeable discomfort. The method for air removal varies from pump to pump. The majority of models have a squeezable ball on the end of a hose, just like the ones on a blood pressure monitor. Others may have a trigger mechanism or even a battery-powered pump to do all the hard work for you.

Who Uses Penis Pumps?

Pump users fall into a few different camps. There are men who are not happy with their size and like to add a little more for themselves and their partner. Then there are guys who just like to experiment and chase new experiences. Finally, there are many men who find pump use helpful in overcoming medical issues. Sexual problems such as Erectile dysfunction (ED), post-prostate surgery and poor blood circulation may be improved with regular use.

Men considering a vacuum pump for medical reasons should discuss the issue with their doctor first to check whether it’s right for them. So a penis pump is a really useful product that has many uses for millions of men. It cannot cause massive permanent size increases, though. Remember that buying a pump may improve your sex life, but it can’t change your genetics!

Cock Rings

A Penis Ring or Cock Ring is a simple device worn at the base of the penis when erect. The purpose is to slightly constrict or pinch the penis to maintain a stronger erection. They are a fun tool for any guy to experience a firmer penis during sex, and particularly useful for men who sometimes experience mild ED or mid-performance issues. When aroused, the body pumps blood into the penis under pressure to create an erection. When losing an erection, the blood flows back gently into the body. Therefore, a slightly restricting ring acts as a kind of external one-way valve, keeping blood in the penis.

Rings come in a variety of materials, styles and designs. The most original style is a thin rubber ring. These often come in a pack of 3. Such a pack will likely contain rings with an internal diameter of 40mm, 45mm & 50mm (approx 1½”, 1¾” & 2″). Most guys find that the smaller or medium ring is the most suitable size. This leaves the option of using the 2″ rubber ring as a Cock & Ball ring. Another popular material is silicone or TPR. This creates a chunkier, stretchier ring than the thin rubber style.

Adjustable Rings

Lasso-style restrictors are a versatile option. They loop around the penis or penis and scrotum and are tightened by sliding up the bead or toggle until the desired tightness is achieved. These devices, such as Julian’s Ring or EZ Cinch, are great first-time cock rings, as they are certain to be the perfect fit, and can be experimented with in terms of constraint and positioning. They can also be removed very easily after use.

In addition to helping maintain an erection, penis rings also give the wearer a more intense orgasm. When the urethra is constricted a little, semen passes through with more pressure and force, creating a more pleasurable climax. Some men like to wear a ring all day, because they love the way it looks and feels. However, it is not recommended to wear one for an extended period of time, especially if it is tight.

Anal Toys

Of all the most common sexual activities, anal play is the one that people have the most hang-ups and preconceptions about. Before getting deep into our beginner’s guide to sex toys available for anal, we just wanted to bust a few myths about anal toys. The biggest hurdle stopping many straight couples from experimenting with anal is that a lot of men think enjoying anal play is solely a gay activity. This is just not true. Everybody, gay, straight or somewhere in between, has an anus, and they are packed with nerve endings, making them very sensitive to touch and other stimulation.

The other main concern is that it’s a painful or dangerous activity. It’s true that some toys on the market are certainly not for first-timers! Also, inserting anything larger than a finger is not a good idea until you are comfortable, relaxed, lubed up and ready. It’s important to start off with mini plugs or beads. We’ll go into the differences next, but remember, size is everything when trying back-door play. Objects feel a lot bigger in your anus than they do in your hand, so start small and go slowly.

Anal Beads

Sometimes referred to as Love Beads, Anal Beads have been around for many years. They are an entry-level toy that can start anyone off on their exploration of anal pleasure. Early models of anal beads consisted of a long string with glass, wood or plastic beads threaded onto it. The string would be knotted at intervals to keep the beads separate. These days, anal beads are almost always silicone, with a flexible connection between each bead. Usually, the beads progress in size from the first, which is very small, up to the final bead, which would be much larger.

Starting with the smallest bead, and with the help of lubricant, they are slowly inserted into the anus. This can be done alone, but is better when a partner is feeding them in. Each increasingly large bead creates a new sensation of stretch and fullness. Insert as many as you feel comfortable with. They feel good going in, but the real thrill of anal beads is removing them. Whether male or female, having the string of beads pulled out of your body during orgasm results in a loss of control sensation, providing an incredibly intense climax.

Anal Plugs

Anal Plugs or Butt Plugs are intended to be plugged in and left in the anus. They are either the main sexual event or an addition to other sexual activity. At their most simple, a butt plug is a small, smooth, tapered sex toy made from silicone or TPR. It will have a base which is much wider than the insertable part of the toy, which prevents the plug from being drawn into the anus and ‘lost’. This aspect of an anal toy is essential for safety. Losing a toy inside the rectum will require a trip to an emergency room, which you’ll never forget, so always use a toy with a base for anal play!

Anyone who enjoys the plug experience can pursue their pleasure by trying progressively larger plugs. They result in a satisfying feeling of fullness that will improve any sex you have. It is important not to rush the insertion, though, even if it’s a plug you’re used to. always use plenty of lubrication and take things slowly. There are lots of different shapes, sizes and materials to experiment with. For those looking for heightened anal stimulation, there are vibrating anal plugs, too.

Prostate Massagers

Although both anal beads and anal plugs are unisex toys, Prostate Massagers, as you probably guessed, are just for men. They are anal toys that are angled in just the right way to help men target their prostate. Not all men are keen to try it, but those who do tend to love the feeling. Prostate massage can lead to orgasm without any other sexual stimulation. The prostate is very sensitive to touch, so a toy with vibration is especially thrilling.

Sex Toys for Couples

Some sex toys are specifically designed to be enjoyed together. Toys that enhance intercourse fall into the two categories below, and we’ll explain the benefits of each. Almost all couples’ sex toys are vibrating and excite both partners.

Couples’ Cock Rings

We took a look at cock rings a few paragraphs back. Standard rings and couples’ cock rings do the same job, but with a little extra fun thrown in. These rings vibrate, meaning not only is the guy kept harder for longer, but both partners receive stimulation. The vibrating part is located at the top of the ring, so when he penetrates, the clitoris is contacted by the buzzing toy. It’s a device that effectively turns any man into a human sex toy!

There are many designs to choose from when thinking about getting a couple’s ring. Consider the shape of the vibrating nub and whether you think you’ll enjoy it. Some are soft, some hard, and many have a bunny design with protruding, throbbing ears to help tickle your way to climax. The rings themselves are an important consideration, as those with a second loop (a cock & ball ring) will feel more secure during sex and not move around much.

Double Vibes

The other main style of couples’ toy is a double vibe. Initially brought into the marketplace by a luxury sex toy company called We-Vibe, double vibes are now a mainstay of any sex shop. They’re very popular and are a lot cheaper than they used to be. The concept is a curved, U-shaped toy that vibrates at both ends. One side is inserted into the vagina, targeting the G-spot, and the other half is on the outside of the body, stimulating the clitoral area.

Women can enjoy these adult toys alone, but what distinguishes them from any other vibrator is the option to have sex while using it. The necks of double vibes are very slender, so there is room for a penis as well as the toy. Not only does the woman receive plenty of vibes where it matters most, but her partner also feels the buzz as he thrusts in and out.

Strap Ons

You’ve probably heard of strap-ons; most people have. What most people don’t realise, though, is just how versatile they are. For those totally new to the concept, a strap-on is a dong, usually a replica penis, attached to a harness. It is worn around the waist by the ‘driver’ and is used to penetrate their partner. There are many needs and desires that can be met or fulfilled by strap-ons. We’ll look into all of them in the next couple of paragraphs.

Hollow Strap Ons

Let’s start by looking at the Hollow Strap On. As the name suggests, these have a hollow dong and are predominantly designed for male wearers, although women could wear them. Perfect for men who can’t achieve an erection or have mid-way performance issues. The penis is simply inserted into the dong, and sex is as normal as it could possibly be, without an erection. Hollow Strap Ons come in a variety of lengths to suit the situation. Starting off at around six inches, they can be as large as ten inches for those wanting to offer their partner a bigger thrill.

Women use strap-ons for a few reasons. Straight women wanting to dominate their man wear a strap-on to peg their partner. Pegging is a term that refers to a man being anally penetrated by a woman. This is a fantasy for men who are into Femdom (Female Domination) and for women who love to take control in the bedroom. Pegging dongs are often quite slim and are rarely phallic, so as not to be intimidating. Most straight men do not want a penis shape in their anus, even if it’s their wife or girlfriend inserting it.

Lesbian Lifestyle

Gay women can take advantage of another form of strap-on. ‘Strapless Strap Ons’ is a clumsy name, but it’s what we call sex toys that insert into two women. Often, one side of the toy will be shaped like a plug, and the other end like a traditional vibrator. The plug end is inserted into the vagina of the woman in control, and she penetrates her partner, as if she has a penis. Another sub-category of lesbian toys is the double-ended dong or double-ended vibrator. These have a shaft on both ends, so each woman is penetrated as they grind together.

For women planning to go deep into their strap-on lifestyle, there is a more bespoke alternative to ready-to-go toys. Investing in a quality harness is a great idea. Harnesses can be bought as a stand-alone item and come in a variety of styles, materials, sizes and price points. Find the harness you love, then you can insert whatever dong you like into it. Simply slip your favoured sex toy through the O-ring at the front of the harness and away you go. Almost all dongs are suitable for harnessing. Just make sure it has a suction cup or some other wide base.

Kegel Balls & Ben Wa Balls

We’ve coupled these two under the same heading, as they are often confused for each other. We’ll let you know what the differences between Kegel Balls and Ben Wa are, and which, if either, would suit you.

Kegel Balls

As a woman grows a little older or has given birth, the benefits of Kegel Balls become well worth considering. Usually coming as a connected pair of silicone orbs, using kegels regularly can help with many issues, including post-childbirth recovery, preventing pelvic organ prolapse, reducing urinary incontinence and improving vaginal tone and tightness. Kegel Balls aren’t exactly a sex toy, but they can greatly improve a woman’s sex life, so expect to see a selection of them in any good sex shop.

Most manufacturers recommend daily use of their Kegel balls. Around 20-30 minutes is a suitable amount of time to leave them inserted. They feel strange at first, but your body adapts and gets more used to them. Some kegels come in sets of different sizes and/or weights. Start with the larger/lighter balls as they will be easiest to keep in. Over time, as your vaginal muscles tone and tighten, switch them out for the smaller/heavier balls. Think of them as an exercise programme for your vagina.

Ben Wa Balls

For around 1500 years, Ben Wa balls have been used in China and Japan to help women tighten their pelvic floor to improve their sexual performance and wellbeing. In more recent times, the sexual well-being side has been left to Kegel balls, and Ben Wa balls have been used increasingly for direct sexual pleasure. In the Western world, most people were made aware of the concept of Ben Wa Balls by the movie Fifty Shades of Grey.

Ben Wa balls most often come in a pair of unconnected balls, around the size of marbles. Sizes and weights vary, but most ben wa users prefer heavier ones. Each ball (usually with a little lubricant) is inserted into the vaginal canal. They will rattle around and bang together, but don’t worry, they can’t get lost. They can always be retrieved by a finger or by relaxing the muscles and jumping up and down.

Ben Wa balls create a unique feeling inside a woman. She can wear them whilst walking around, enjoying the jiggling of the balls. But it’s their use during sex that makes them so popular. Not only does the movement of the Ben Wa increase female pleasure, but it also provides a thrill for the man. The balls contact, slide up against, and generally cause extra stimulation of the penis during sex.

After Reading a Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys

If you’ve made it this far in our beginner’s guide to sex toys, you deserve a bit of a break! This quick section will highlight some further reading you may be interested in. Then there are some facts from our sales stats that may surprise you.

Further Reading

We try to publish plenty of fresh content on tabu.co.nz that reflects the different passions and curiosities of our customers. Of course, everyone out there has their own avenues of intrigue, so we try to cover all the most common sexual threads as well as the more diverse and eye-opening topics.

The first suggestion is our Your Questions Answered series of articles. There are over 30 posts answering some of the questions we are asked most regularly at Tabu. Some are about specific issues, whilst some are more general enquiries about our sex toys and other products.

In this series, questions answered include Who Shops at a Sex Shop? — Are Sex Toys Expensive? — Which Lube Should I Use? and similar subjects. It’s a great way to help thousands of people in New Zealand with their sex toy-related questions in an easy and discreet way.

What’s your Kink?

It seems everyone has a kink or fetish of one kind or another. Even if you don’t consider yourself to be sexually outside the mainstream, if you have a strong preference for tall partners, red-headed women, dirty talk or high heels, these are all kinks. Sure, they are on the mild side, but if you’re keen to know more about the topic, our Kinks & Fetishes series covers such things as Glasses, Gags & Group Sex — Dirty Talk, Dollification & Dysmorphophilia — Smoking & Sensation Play.

Outside of our popular series, we have plenty of standalone posts which cover subjects that piqued our interest. These include Does Sex Improve Your Health? — Vibrators, More than you Needed to Know — Will AI Porn Become the Norm? Plenty to be getting stuck into!

Sex Toy Stats

People are often asking us which toys sell the most and whether we notice any sales trends in different parts of New Zealand. There are plenty of geographical patterns we’ve picked up on after nearly a decade of running an online sex shop in New Zealand. Here are some of the most obvious examples…

In Hamilton, Penis Pumps are big sellers, whilst sex toys in Christchurch are led by another product for men, Masturbators. In Auckland, we receive more orders for bondage gear and other BDSM products than from anywhere else in New Zealand combined. Napier and Hastings customers are buying Rabbit Vibrators.

The majority of our Palmerston North customers are women, and they love Massage Wands of all types and sizes. Kegel Balls are the most popular sex toys in Dunedin. And finally, it’s Strap-ons that take the crown in Wellington, Upper Hutt and Lower Hutt.

So there you have it. Is it cultural or coincidental? Whatever the reason, it’s good knowing that New Zealand has a diverse and experimental population when it comes to sex. It’s back to the article proper now, with an explanation of BDSM and all that that entails, including some great products.

BDSM – An Introduction

For those new to it, BDSM can sound very intimidating. There are whips, chains, dungeons and no end of frightening equipment, right? Well, yes, but that’s just one extreme of BDSM. For most people who enjoy the kink, it’s a light and fun addition to their normal sex life. The BDSM acronym definition is not set in stone, with a few differing interpretations. However, if you can remember Bondage & Discipline + Dominance & Submission + Sadism & Masochism, you’ll have it covered.

It is very likely that Bondage will be almost everybody’s introduction to BDSM. Being tied up or having movement restricted by your partner is something many couples try out. Tying your lover’s wrists to the headboard with silk ties or fluffy cuffs is a fairly innocent and fun entry into a BDSM lifestyle. Cuffs are Bondage, and taking control is Dominance. Turned on by being controlled? That’s Submission—getting a light spanking whilst restrained? You’ve begun a little Sado Masochism play! Maybe BDSM isn’t so scary after all?

BDSM – The Gear – Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Sex Toys

Before we delve into all the products available to get your kinkier life going, be aware that all BDSM toys and associated products tend to be known as Gear. It is a term used by the BDSM community, manufacturers and retailers. There is no need to be daunted by these in-words, because we’re going to take a close look at all the categories of Gear below, and give you a clear description and explanation of each. Let’s start with the Bondage options.

Bondage – Cuffs

When we talk about bondage, it just refers to restraints. Any method of restricting a person’s movement or senses. The most popular entry-level products are handcuffs. If you are just getting into bondage, or are trying to tempt a lover into trying it for the first time, start simple. Soft and comfortable cuffs, or metal cuffs with fur, are the least intimidating and will produce the best results. They have all the functions you want whilst looking like innocent play-things.

For those couples looking for a bit more of a hardcore look and feel, leather cuffs are a great choice. With all the metal buckles and rivets, they have an appearance that fetishists love. Plus, they are much stronger, so they can take the extra strain and pressure of some more serious activity. Ankle cuffs are also available to match, which are a similar construction, but of course, a little larger.

Bondage – Rope

Rope is a classic bondage material. It is far more versatile than cuffs, and can be used by beginners and experienced kinksters alike. Elaborate and beautiful bindings can be created using bondage ropes, such as in Japanese Bondage. If you have the patience and interest to learn many poses, body positions and complex knot tying, it can be an erotic art form. However, experience is not essential.

Even total beginners can have some sexy fun with bondage ropes. There is the route-one option of tying wrists to a headboard, but there are so many more possibilities. For instance, roping your partner’s ankles and wrists together behind their back is known as a hog-tie, and leaves the bound partner at the will of their lover. It’s important to highlight at this point that bondage rope is different to the kind of rope you can buy in a hardware store.

What is Bondage Rope?

Bondage rope is made from a softer, silkier material. It still has plenty of strength, but it will not be as abrasive as normal rope. Rope burns would soon end most people’s enjoyment for the night, so make sure you buy some from an adult store that specifically sells rope for bondage purposes. Light Brown gives that authentic rope look, but it’s also available in black and more fun colours like pink and red, to suit the mood.

If you want to consider a permanent addition to your bedroom, then underbed restraints may be a good choice. These are a set of straps that stretch out underneath the mattress, allowing for ankles and/or wrists to be cuffed. These restraints vary; some come with four cuffs ready fitted, whilst others offer several binding points, usually D-rings for clipping your cuffs to. When not in use, the restraints store perfectly under the mattress, so they’re ready and waiting when passions arise.

Doms & Subs

The next few items we’ll be discussing are popular amongst serious Sub & Dom lifestylers. However, even first-timers can have some fun with them. If both partners are down for a little master/slave roleplay, some great foreplay is on the horizon. Collars and leashes are classic BDSM imagery. The submissive being led around by their dominant partner is a concept everyone is aware of, even if they’ve never dared to suggest trying it out in their relationship.

Other forms of power-play bondage gear to consider are Gags and Blindfolds. As far as gags are concerned, Ball Gags are the most widely known. A golf ball-sized rubber ball that sits in the mouth of the wearer and securely straps into place behind their head. It’s enough to restrict speech and create a sexy, submissive, and helpless look. Other ball gags include breathable gags, which are a sensible option for new players. These have a similar-sized ball, but it is hollow and has dotted holes, so mouth breathing is easy and comfortable.

Ring Gags and Spider Gags are variations on the same theme. They suit those who want access to the mouth even when it is gagged. There are even Bone Gags, which provide the sub a rubber bone to bite down on instead of a ball. These are used in animal and puppy play, especially, a whole other world which we touch on in our post, Pet Play and Pregnancy.

Sadism & Masochism

An important aspect of BDSM is the Sado Masochism element. This is absolutely not for everyone, so if you feel like this isn’t for you, you’re not alone. Just like bondage has entry-level items like furry cuffs, S&M has similar layers of participation. Impact play, for instance, can be taken to the extreme, in which participants enjoy high levels of pain. However, most couples will never go past light contact, as that stimulation is enough for them.

Whips, Floggers & Paddles

We’ll start this section of our beginner’s guide to sex toys by pointing out the difference between a whip and a flogger. Whips are a single-tailed cord usually made from leather. They’re only used for high-impact play, as it is difficult to whip somebody gently. A Flogger is generally shorter, with many tails. They are made from softer materials and are easier to control than a whip. They can impact a certain level of sting, but are gentler than whips. Floggers can also be used for teasing and tickling.

There is a large range of floggers available to suit every taste. Long or short, sturdy or lightweight and many colours and designs too. For many couples, buying a good-looking piece of BDSM gear like a flogger is only partly about the impact play. They often hang on a hook next to the bed, as a constant reminder of the couple’s sexuality. An exciting night is only an outstretched arm away!

Paddles are usually firm, but with a little give. They are for gentle to moderate levels of slapping on fleshy parts of the body, like the buttocks. Some of the most popular paddles we sell are dual-layered. These give a very satisfying loud clap on contact with the skin, even if the impact is fairly light. Whilst whips and floggers are great for foreplay, a paddle is best when used during sex. A gentle and unexpected slap heightens the sexual excitement to another level.

Nipple Play

Lots of people like having their nipples touched or played with. If you’re one of them, then Nipple Clamps may be a great pleasure/pain device for you. Nipple clamps are devices that attach to each nipple by pinching or trapping the skin. The best place to start is with adjustable clamps, so you can control how far the jaws close and how strong the grip is. Most pairs of clamps have a loose chain running between them. This is partly for a kinky aesthetic, but mainly it gives your partner the opportunity to give the chain gentle tugs to increase the nipple stimulation.

Other variations of nipple toys include vice-like clamps. These usually tighten because they have a small spring forcing the jaws together, whilst others can be closed tighter using a screw-like mechanism. A lighter way to find out if nipple play excites you is to try Nipple Suckers. These are a silicone or rubber toy that looks like an old-fashioned honking horn. Squeeze the bulb, place it over the nipple and release the bulb. The vacuum pressure plumps and sucks on the nipple, creating a great sensation without pinching.

BDSM – Our Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys

There is plenty more that falls under the umbrella of BDSM. This article is a beginner’s guide to sex toys, so we think we’ve covered the necessary basics of the topic. If you’d like to know more about the subject, you can delve a little deeper with some of our posts on the topic. We suggest Entry Level BDSM as a perfect follow-up read.

If you like what you’ve heard and are going to give some form of BDSM a try, it’s probably a good idea to start off simple with some affordable gear. After all, maybe you and your partner are keen to give BDSM a try, but there’s no guarantee you’ll both like it. Don’t spend a fortune chasing your fantasy until you know you love the reality.

And What About Lubricant?

Glad you asked! Almost all sexual activities, whether they include toys or not, are improved by lube. It’s a game-changer. Gone are the days of buying a tub of KY Jelly at the pharmacist; the world of Sexual lubrication has evolved a lot over the last few decades. However, with choice comes confusion, so here we go with an explanation of everything you need to know to get slippery. A sex lube 101, if you will.

Lube is a magic ingredient that makes any sex better. Friction is the enemy of sexual pleasure, and creating a perfect silky glide transforms all sexual activity. Whether it’s vaginal, anal sex, toy insertion, clitoral masturbation, penis masturbation or anything else you can dream of—lube up!

Over ninety-nine per cent of sexual lubricants available in New Zealand are either water-based or silicone-based. We will go into the benefits and drawbacks of each type below, so you know what to look for. Oil lubricants make up the missing one per cent. They have almost completely dropped out of favour, due to the mess they cause, and their incompatibility with toys and condoms.

Water Based Lubricant

A water-based lube is a great all-rounder. If there’s only one bottle of lubricant in the bedside drawer, it should be water based. There are plenty of varieties to choose from. Some create a warming or cooling sensation on the skin, while others are designed to taste amazing. The flavoured lubes are completely edible and add an extra dimension to oral sex or nipple licking. Other water-based lubes are made a little thicker. This formula suits anal sex, as it is less likely to rub off when squeezing into a tight hole.

All the exact ingredient lists vary from one manufacturer to another. To give you a guide, here is what is inside Astroglide. It’s our most popular, and in our opinion, the best water-based lube available.

Ingredients: Purified Water, Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Polyquaternium-7.

Water-based formulas like Astroglide are completely safe to use with latex condoms and will not damage sex toys. It even washes straight out of clothing and bedding with no trace or staining. The only disadvantage of this type of lube is that it eventually dries out. The better brands will stay wetter for longer than economy brands, but they will need to be reapplied during longer sex sessions.

Silicone Based Lubricant

Silicone lube has one distinct advantage over water-based lube versions. They don’t dry out. That’s because there is no water involved at all. After a very long time, a re-application may be required because the fluid has been dispersed by body movement. The extremely long-lasting nature of silicones is what makes some people fall in love with them. They are body-safe and suitable for skin-on-skin sexual activity, but otherwise their uses are more limited than their water-based cousins.

We showed you what goes into a bottle of Astroglide, and here, as a comparison, is what you’ll find in a bottle of überlube, our most popular silicone option.

überlube ingredients: Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, Cyclomethicone, Tocopheryl Acetate (Vitamin E).

Adding silicone lube to sex toys, especially silicone, rubber, TPR, or similar materials, is a bad idea. The molecules in the lube bind to those on the surface of the toy and will ruin your sex toys in no time. The safety of using alongside condoms is a matter of conjecture. Most producers state that their lube is not compatible with latex contraceptives.

As silicone fluids are completely non-soluble, any lube on clothing, bedding, carpet, etc, will leave a greasy-looking stain after cleaning, so take care where you put it.

Brands We Love Recommending

No self-respecting Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys would be complete without a few helpful brand recommendations. Below, we’ll point out a few sex toy brands that are worth highlighting and why. Some are well-known brands you may have already heard of, others are lesser-known but have some unique products or fantastic price points.

Satisfyer

Boasting one of the best-selling sex toys of all time, the Satisfyer Pro 2, this German company have taken the adult toys market by storm. The SP2, as it is often called, was not the first air-pulse toy on the market, but it’s certainly the one that grabbed all the attention. It was a constant fixture in blogs, magazines, news articles and social media. Influencers loved it, and over the last 3 years, it gained the rare distinction of being a sex toy our customers would come in and ask for by name.

Satisfyer now produce dozens of different air pulse toys, but they have made a real impact on the sex toy market in general. They have a massive range of stick vibes, rabbit vibes, wands and bullets for women. Men can buy Satifyer masturbation toys, and couples have an array of their vibrating cock rings, anal plugs and anal beads to choose from.

Thrill City

We always love to promote a good Kiwi brand, and Thrill City is one of our very favourites. Focusing on keeping prices low, Thrill City provide cheap sex toys to the public without compromising on quality. Their range of bullets, dongs, kegel toys and rabbits is a great low-cost option. This brand provides all of the essentials you’d expect, but the best thing about them is their unique offerings!

Can you honestly say you don’t want a pig that can lick your clitoris, or a mini vibrating banana? Of course you can’t. Porky Porkington has been a revelation since his introduction six months ago. And Bananarama is perfect for women wanting to add a little more fruit to their daily routine. These fun sex toys are both rechargeable and will provide smiles as well as orgasms.

Rated R

Since launching in 2018, Rated R has grown to become one of the most comprehensive BDSM brands in New Zealand. With a product range including Chastity Cages, Anal Dilators, Urethral equipment, Cuffs, Blindfolds, Floggers, Paddles, Ropes, Gags, Collars and Nipple Clamps of all descriptions, Rated R has established itself as a top choice for all experience levels of kink.

Bonca

Sex pills for men come and go. The only reliable brand to have been consistently popular with guys over the years has been Bonca. This is why they make it onto our list of favourite brands. With thousands of bottles sold, mainly to repeat customers, Bonca is trusted to get the job done. Some guys need that initial boost to get it up. Some want a little help to perform multiple times per night. Whatever the performance or erection issue, Bonca helps.

Taylor Made

At the time of writing this in 2025, Taylor Made are a small and exciting brand. But, we are expecting them to grow into a mainstay of women’s Sex Toys in the near future. Their first few products have been the perfect blend of innovation, quality and competitive prices. For instance, the Options is a brilliant Wand and Rabbit combo that uses amazing design to create 2 toys in 1. We can’t wait to stock more of their lines in the coming months and years.

Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys – Final Thoughts

We hope you’ve enjoyed Tabu’s Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys. Now that you are armed with much more knowledge about adult toys, you can shop with a little more confidence. Knowledge is important, so you always ask the right questions and find the best products for you. Nobody likes feeling out of their depth in any situation, but in sex shops it’s particularly true. On that note, if you are keen to read about Introducing Sex Toys to your Relationship, give this article a look.

We have many customers in our shop every day, who are too nervous to ask questions or explain their desires. This is possibly due to the fear of looking uninformed or inexperienced. So, that’s why this Beginner’s guide to sex toys came to be written. It is impossible to address every possible query or describe every single type of toy in one article, but we certainly hope we’ve helped dispel some sex toy myths and assisted your purchasing choices.

Tabu Adult Boutique

No article would be complete without a shameless plug for Tabu! Our store is in Eketahuna on State Highway 2. We’d love you to call in if you live in the region or are on a road trip through the North Island. If you’d prefer to shop online, then we’ve got you covered with free shipping for all purchases over $50. We don’t even charge more for rural delivery. So whether you’re in Auckland needing ankle cuffs, or in Wellington wanting a wand, visit tabu.co.nz for everything you could ever need to help you find your fantasy.

Ian & Samantha – TABU.